I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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