Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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