D3 body, D1 cock
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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