if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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