There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
