Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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