The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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