I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
it's not cheating when I paid for it
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
