i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
