Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
