last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
