Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
