Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
