Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
