I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
