I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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