Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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