apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
