mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dicks are not precious.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
