I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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