As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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