he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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