First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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