you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
