I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
