So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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