Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So many bounce houses so little time
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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