i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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