Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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