On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
