Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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