we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
