had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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