I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
