how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
