$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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