After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
