the condom got lost in my hair
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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