I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
