Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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