I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
