I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
