so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I look excited, but its just a facade.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
