somebody snuck up and got me drunk
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
