I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
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