do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
