just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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