So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We need to get me chipped asap
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
