I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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