Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
