I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
