She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
