remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
