In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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