he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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